


Searching for Answers

by Angelicsoul



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Bangel - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2018-11-08 00:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11070645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelicsoul/pseuds/Angelicsoul
Summary: Buffy and Angel Crossover.Angel lost his son, and Angel Investigations have not been able to find him. They go to Sunnydale to ask Buffy for help but things don't go according to plan. Will the Slayer be strong enough to handle the answers she will find or will it be too much?





	1. Kidnapped

**Author's Note:**

> Canon up to Season 6 of Buffy and Season 3 of Angel.

It had been two weeks since Connor was taken, and Angel Investigations was hard at work tracking down any leads they could find. So far they have not been able to figure out where Holtz had taken him. They did come across information regarding Connor’s origin, but that brought about more questions than answers.

Wesley took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He had been staring at the same page for days, yet he couldn’t figure out what it all meant. He had his theories of course but none of them made sense. He was exhausted and annoyed with himself because he knew he was missing something; some reference, some clue he was overlooking that would help it all make sense.

“Any luck?” Fred asked as she walked into his office. She made her way to him and hovered over his shoulder trying to see what he was looking at.

“Yes, I believe I have something but it is just not making sense. Here take a look.” Wesley replied as he handed over his notes. “This is what I have been able to translate so far.”

She grabbed the notes and read them aloud.

From mortals he was conceived,  
Trapped in time for no one to see,  
Until it was time to be set free,  
A gift to those who fight for thee  
Champions who are and will always be.

“Wow.” Fred mouthed slowly as she looked up at Wesley. “What do you suppose it means?”

“Well, I have developed a few theories,” he paused, “but I don’t want to jump to any conclusions just yet.”

“Well sure, ya don’t wanna make the same mistake you made before, remember?” Fred said not realizing how her words pained him. He knew she was still getting use to being in this dimension and was still socially awkward. So he could not blame her for being brutally honest. He did hand over Angel’s son to Holtz based on a prophecy he came across. Now he was trying desperately to rectify the situation.

“Let’s look at what we do know, shall we?” Wesley said as he began again, still a little shaken by Fred’s words. He knew that after betraying his friends, he had a lot of trust to regain, and he knew it was going take a lot more than just time for him to regain it.

“Sure.” Fred answered eagerly.

“We know that Angel is the father because the previous prophecy states that the child is the son of the vampire with a soul. However, these inscriptions mention that both parents had to have been mortal or human during conception. In order for this to be true Connor would have had to have been conceived before Angel was turned. Darla was already a demon when she met Angel as a human, so it isn’t possible for her to have been Connor’s mother. ” Wesley stated.

“So you think that the child was trapped in some type of temporal phenomena, and then transported into Darla’s cold and lifeless womb, only to bring about her destruction and single handedly cause the..” Fred stopped when she noticed that Angel had walked into the room.

“Oh, hi Angel!” Fred smiled nervously as she watched Angel approach Wesley’s desk.

“Anything new, Wesley?” Angel asked coldly. Wesley knew Angel had not forgiven him for his betrayal but agreed to work with him in order to find his son. He was grateful for the chance to make things right. Time was of the essence and they knew they had to find Connor soon or he may end up being lost to them forever. Wesley answered as swiftly as he could.

“It seems that we have found a reference to Connor's origin,” Wesley replied nervously. Fred handed Angel Wesley’s notes and handed them to Angel. While Angel read the translation, Fred filled him in on what it could mean.

“We think that Darla couldn’t have been the real mother unless she was human, which she was twice but then turned twice so it could be her, but you would have also needed to have been human and the same time and we know that you haven’t been human for about 250 plus years or so..” Fred was about to continue but by the look on Angel's face she knew it would be wiser not to. He seemed to be miles away; the pain and anger were even more evident in the lines of his face than before. He slowly placed the notes back down on Wesley’s desk.

“Angel, is everything okay? Did I say something wrong?” Fred asked as Wesley slowly pulled her behind him fearing the worst.

“No, Fred, like always you know just what to say.” Angel stared at the notes he had put down. He knew exactly how Connor came to be and who his mother was, but before he told anyone else, he had to tell her first, it was the least he could do. He gathered his emotions and buried them for the time being. He didn’t need his emotions to distract him from what needed to be done.

“Wesley, I think we are going to need more help if we are going to find Connor,” Angel stated. At first Wesley was unsure about what Angel meant but quickly understood.

“Sunnydale,” Wesley replied. Angel nodded slightly and disappeared before any more questions could be asked.

“Wesley, what’s in Sunnydale that can possibly help us find Connor,” Fred asked.

“The Slayer,” Wesley answered.

“The Slayer, sounds like some kind of assassin. Is he going to help us fight Holtz?” she wondered.

Cordelia walked in and answered before Wesley did.

“The Slayer is a she, one chosen in each generation, about our age, superpowers, fights evil, yada, yada, yada. You’re going to meet her soon, ran into Angel on my way in and he tells me that is where we are headed to tonight. I knew by the look on Angel’s face that it had to have something to do with her. By the way, Fred, her name is Buffy, ring any bells.”

“Oh, why didn’t you just say that,” Fred asked confused.

“The Slayer needs her proper introduction,” Cordelia retorted as she and Fred walked out of the office to prepare for the trip. “If anyone can get Connor back though, it’s Buffy, believe me, she’s the one to call but,” Cordelia paused as she and Fred walked up the stairs of the hotel.

“But what?” Fred asked curiously.

“I just don’t want to see Angel suffer, and he has avoided telling anyone in Sunnydale about Connor so far, we all have, but we knew eventually they would find out. Buffy will probably be in shock, and angry and make it all about herself, Angel can’t bare to see her suffer, believe me it has always been that way.”

Fred looked at Cordelia, but for some reason she couldn’t understand why Angel loved Buffy so much when it seemed she only brought him pain.

In his office, Wesley reached for the phone then hesitated, what am I going to say, he thought, it would be best if we just fill them in on the details when we get there, he picked up the phone, and with the dial tone ringing in his ear he stared at the space where Angel once stood, “It’s going to be a long night,” he whispered as he dialed Willow’s number.


	2. Origins of a Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone meets up at the Magic Box to do research and get more information on what is going on.

In the Summers house, Dawn and Willow were sitting in the living room couch waiting for Buffy to get out of work. Willow had spoken earlier to Wesley and he had informed her that they needed their help to find a baby boy who was kidnapped. He would explain the details once they arrived in Sunnydale.

“Willow?” Dawn whispered.

“Yeah?” Willow replied.

“Buffy should be home any minute now, what are we going to tell her?” Dawn shifted to look out the window.

“Well, I guess what we know.” Willow answered.

“No, I mean about Angel coming,” Dawn said while looking for reassurance that everything would be okay, she missed that the most about her Mother being gone, the way she could make all her problems and worries disappear with just single word, or gesture.

“Dawny, she’ll be okay, it’s always hard for both of them to see each other, but they can deal, especially if they have to work together to save a baby.” 

“I know but she is doing so well now and the last thing she needs is a reminder that the thing she wants most she can never have.” Dawn turned to look at Willow. You saw how she looked last time they met, you know he was probably the one who drove her to be with Spike and get all lost on us.”

“Maybe, but I think she had a lot to work through, and the Angel thing may not have helped but she got through it and now she’s back.” Willow tried to reassure Dawn as much as she could but even she was a little uncertain.

“I still think Angel’s a jerk, I mean it’s not like L.A is on the other side of the globe or something. If he really wanted to leave he could have gone farther away or disappeared completely. Not just be a bus ride away. He could at least call.”

“It’s not like we call them either,” Willow said.  
“Stop defending him,” Dawn retorted.

“Sorry, you’re right he is such a jerk. He is a no good, down right dirty bastard, who only thinks of himself.” Willow proclaimed. Both girls paused and looked at each other, then busted out laughing. They didn’t hear Buffy walk in the front door.

“Hey, what’s so funny?” Buffy asked.

“Nothing,” Dawn said as she caught her breathe.

“Seems like something to me Buffy,” replied sadly.

“No, it’s nothing Buffy we were just sitting here waiting for you to come back from work and we just got silly,” Willow replied as she stood and approached Buffy.

“You were waiting for me?” Buffy said on a happier note.

“There’s something we have to tell you.” Dawn said as she walked toward Buffy.

“What happened, are you alright?” Buffy asked as she looked over Dawn.

“Buffy, Dawn’s fine,” Willow replied thoughtfully. “It’s more of a Slayer thing, we have to go to the Magic Box in about an hour and wait for Wesley and the others to arrive.”

“Others?” Buffy asked questioned but Willow continued.

“A baby boy was kidnapped, and taken to a hell dimension and they need our help to get him back that’s all Wesley told me but he said he’d fill us in on the details when they arrived.”

Buffy was silent for a moment, thinking of something to say but the thought of Angel being part of those others who were heading this way threw her.

“Buffy are you alright?” Dawn asked. “Uh huh, I’m fine,” she responded nervously.

“So in an hour?” Buffy asked. Willow nodded. "That should give me enough time to wash up and get to the Magic Box. Willow, you and Dawn head on out, and see what you can find out about hell dimensions, I think Giles left some books behind that we were using to help us with Glory."

“Right.” Willow said as she and Dawn turned and headed for the door.

“Dawn!” Buffy called out from the top of the stairs.

“Yes?” Dawn replied, she thought she knew exactly what Buffy was going to say, be careful, and try not to get in the way, she was always treating her like a kid.

“See if you can reach Tara, and Xander and help Willow with the research,” Buffy asked with a slight grin on her face.

Dawn was surprised to hear Buffy actually ask her to help, she felt more confident in herself knowing that her sister trusted her to do something. Dawn smiled at Buffy and headed out with Willow.

Once Buffy was in her room she sat down on the edge of her bed, and took off her shoes. She fell back onto the bed. Her arms raised above her head, as she tried to keep her focus on the task at hand. Somehow all her thoughts kept returning to the same person, Angel. Her stomach was in knots, and a million thoughts raced through her head. Her memories with Angel seemed to stand out among all the rest. His smell, touch, his powerful embrace, his kiss, they were all embedded in her soul. Her body trembled as she reminisced. Even though they could only share one moment of true happiness together, it would be a moment that would live in her always. I have to be strong; I can’t let his presence distract me from helping this baby boy in any way shape or form. She got out of bed and entered the bathroom closing the door behind her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the Magic Box, Dawn had managed to get a hold of Tara, and Xander. They were now helping Willow research.

“So what exactly are we looking for here?” asked Xander.

“Any information that will help us in opening a portal to a hell dimension,” Willow answered.

“Okay, let me get this straight, we want to open a portal to hell, wasn’t it just last year that we were trying NOT to open the portals to the gates of HELL!” Xander exclaimed.

“Xander you saw firsthand what came out of those gates, would you want a human child to be trapped in a world like that?” Tara added.

“No, I wouldn’t but that doesn’t make it any less dangerous,” he concluded.

“I think they’re here!” Dawn yelled as she looked out the front window. Willow and Tara both got up and walked toward Dawn.

“Yep, it’s them,” Willow confirmed.

She opened and the door and greeted Cordelia, while the rest trailed in, Fred, Wesley, Gunn, and then Angel. Willow saw how distraught Angel looked, she wondered if it was because he was going to see Buffy, but it seemed like much more.

“You can all have a seat over by the table if you’d like.” Willow said politely as she closed the door. Everyone was introduced and they sat around the table or stood as they waited for Buffy to arrive.

Buffy was in front of the Magic Box when she noticed Angel’s car parked in front. Great I’m late, she muttered to herself. She could feel his presence it was a tingling sensation that flowed through every inch of her skin. She straightened herself up and began to walk to the door, but then she stopped.

“What are you waiting for just jump out already,” she said to the vampire in the shadows.

“How’d you know I was here girl?” He remarked.

“This again, come on do your homework will you, I’m the Slayer,” she said as she swung a high kick, hitting him in the jaw. He recovered, got back on his feet and charged her like a bull, ramming her into Angel’s car. She used his momentum to flip him over onto the hood of the car. She dragged him off the hood and bent down over him as she removed her stake. He kicked her in the face, before she brought the stake down on him made her lose her balance stumbled backward.

Angel sensed Buffy was near, a feeling he could never forget. It made him feel as though his heart was beating again whenever she was near. He heard some commotion outside and tensed up.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Gunn asked as he noticed Angel’s reaction.  
“I just thought I heard something.” He replied but didn’t make much of it.

Meanwhile, Buffy regained her balance and grabbed the vampire and threw him against the Magic Box door, which collapsed inward. She used that opportunity to stake the vampire who now rested on the broken door; she slowly stood up and dusted herself off.

“Hey, sorry I’m late, had some business to attend to.” she said as she caught her breath and tried to make herself presentable.

“Xander, think you can take care of the door later,” she asked.

“No problem.” He replied as he moved and picked up what was left of the door and positioned it in the now vacant threshold.

“Whoa, she’s." Gunn paused he finally met the woman whose name Angel could not bare to mention. Angel looked to Gunn and then back to Buffy, “She has that effect on people.”

Once everyone was settled Wesley moved forward to speak.

“What I’m about to say, may Come as a surprise to some of you but in order for us to work together, you must know,” Wesley began.

"Holtz is the person who kidnapped the child. He slayed vampires in his time, but Angelus and Darla who killed his family were at the top of his list, a demon named Sahjhan offered to transport him 228 years into the future so he could have his revenge. Holtz fights for good, but because he wants to destroy Angel he is a dangerous adversary to us. Things became more complicated when he realized Angel had a soul, and this child to protect. You see this child is not just any child, his coming has been foretold in prophecies within these inscriptions,” he pointed at the scrolls in front of him.

“From what I can translate, he will play a pivotal role in the End of Days, and that is why Wolfram and Hart and others like them will stop at nothing to destroy him. We were protecting him, and then I came across a prophecy, that indicated that the father will kill the son so I thought he would be safer with Holtz, but Holtz had other plans for the child, and disappeared with him into a hell dimension.” Wesley said as he bowed his him in shame.

“So you pulled a Wesley,” Xander remarked. Willow slapped him the the arm. "Ow. I'm just saying."

“Why did you think he would be safer with Holtz, who better to protect him than Angel.” Willow asked.

Wesley looked at Angel who was standing on the other side of the room. Buffy followed Wesley’s gaze. Angel slowly came forward, and approached the table where they were all gathered.

Angel never took his eyes off of Buffy as he approached the table but Buffy looked away.

“Because I am his father.” His voice shaky but determined.

Buffy’s eyes widen, they locked with Angel’s. She would have gasped with everyone else but the air from her lungs got caught in her throat. She couldn’t breathe. This isn’t really happening, she told herself. It can’t be, please tell me it’s not true, calm down, focus, focus, he’s moved on, you’re not a part of his life anymore, he moved on, you moved on, she paused, but why does it hurt so much.

Angel’s heart broke at the sight of Buffy’s questioning gaze. He remembered when she had asked him about children. He had told her it was impossible.

“Whoa, missing the whole back story here.” Xander interjected. “Isn’t that impossible, him being dead boy and all. Even I know that much about biology.” He stated.

“Xander’s got a point,” Willow added. She knew that Buffy was trying to remain calm, but inside was a whole different story. Buffy had not spoken a word but her face said it all.

“Well, Um, according to the inscriptions Angel and the mother had to have been human for the child to even exist in this world. Fred added nervously then she quoted the inscription.

From humans he was conceived,  
Trapped in time for no one to see,  
Until it was time to be set free,  
A gift to those who fight for thee  
Champions who are and will always be.

“So this kid was conceived over 250 years ago before Angel was turned,” Willow asked.

“That is what we theorized,” Wesley confirmed. “We know that it’s Angel’s son because the prophecy, which said that he would be the son of the vampire with a soul. The child was conceived but was then caught in some kind of time fold, then he found a host in which he could develop and be born.”

“A human host?” Willow asked.

“No a vampire, he paused a moment, “Darla, to be more precise.” Wesley said.

“This just keeps getting better and better,” Xander sighed as he threw a look at Angel.

Then Cordelia got impatient and jumped in. “You see Angel went all crazy about a year ago, fired all of us, and slept with Darla. She was infected with Angel’s spawn, tried to kill it, but couldn’t.”

“You mean she couldn’t bring herself to kill the baby,” Tara asked as she looked at Cordelia.

“No, not exactly. There was some kind of power protecting the child, nothing could penetrate her belly.”

“Something was protecting it.” Willow whispered to herself.

“Do you know where the power came from, power or magic may exist but it needs to channel it’s energy through something or someone,” Tara explained. “There has to be a source.”

“No we could not figure out who was protecting the child.” Fred answered.

“So if the child was protected in the womb, it could very well still be protected,” Tara hoped.

“Well, he got a scratch on his cheek, when he was born, so my guess is that the magic wore off once he was born.” Fred added, looking somewhat saddened by her conclusion.

“Still, a scratch isn’t a life threatening injury, so maybe the spell only works when his life is in danger, kind of like Spikes chip, he can’t hurt humans, just demons or bad people,” Dawn replied.

Angel and Buffy both flinched at the mention of Spike’s name. Buffy was hoping Angel would never find out about Spike and her, especially the last time Spike came calling. She knew he had left town, but wasn’t sure to where, all she knew was that if she ever saw him again she would kill him.

From the shadows Angel watched the playing of emotions on Buffy’s face, and also sensed something else but he couldn’t quite make it out, maybe it was just how near he was to her.

“You know Dawn’s got a point, but just to make sure Tara and I will find a spell that could help us summon the source of the magic that is protecting Conner.” Willow said.

“Well, that’s a good place to start, the rest of us could try doing some more research. I assume Giles left a few volumes we could use,” Wesley asked.

“We could start with the books right in front of us and move on from there.” Tara suggested.

Buffy slipped away to her training room, she was never good at research. All she could do now was prepare herself physically, because emotionally she was shot. She sensed the moment Angel walked in, but she continued to train.

He knew that she knew he was there but he didn’t know where to begin, and he wasn’t about to force her to talk. He knew his presence was throwing her, so after a while he left. 

She stopped and slowly fell to her knees, trembling, and gasping for air, as the tears fell.

Angel halted the moment he heard her cries, and went to go back in but Cordelia told him it would be best if she were left alone.

Dawn looked up from one of the research books and eyed Cordelia as she approached Angel and found it strange that he actually did what she told him to do, she had never liked Cordelia. She remembered how mean she was to Buffy when they first moved to Sunnydale. Dawn knew she shouldn't get distracted, Buffy was trusting her to help and she wasn’t going to let her down. She reached out for another book, as she did she bumped the bookshelf causing it to waver. She reached out and managed to steady the shelf, but when she did two books that she had never noticed before came to view. They were both old and worn, like most of the books here, but they carried a seal that caught her attention. The seals were both different but looked like they fit together in some way. They both had one sword positioned diagonally above a half of a heart that was encased in a silver cross, but the other seal had its half of a heart encased in a silver ring. Dawn thought the symbols looked familiar and was curious as to what they meant but when she opened them, they were blank. That’s weird she thought. She didn’t think twice and shoved the books into her bag so should could study them later. She looked around to see if anyone noticed, then continued to search through another book.

Buffy calmed herself down, and washed her face off in the nearby sink, it was getting late, and she had to get Dawn home.

“So find anything we could use?” Buffy asked.

“Nothing here,” replied Xander rather sluggishly. “I have a question, would it matter who the mother was, I mean, maybe she had something to do with it.”

Buffy approached the table and turned to Wesley. 

“Wesley, do you have any idea who the mother is?” Buffy tried to keep her voice from trembling. 

Angel’s head spun around and met her gaze, she swallowed hard before continuing. “You know, maybe we can find some kind of connection to the mother, something that may have happened a long time ago.”

“We’re still working on it, but if anyone can tell us who it might be it’s Angel.” Wesley replied.

“Right.” She replied softly and turned to Angel. “So Angel, um?” she began. Everyone turned and looked at him.

“Knowing who Connor’s mother is won’t help us get him back,” Angel replied to the stares.

“So you know,” Buffy said confidently looking his way. Deep down inside she knew that he did.

“Yes,” Angel answered.

“Angel, why didn’t you say something” Cordelia asked somehow feeling hurt because he didn’t tell her he knew.

“It won’t help us find Connor, the past is gone, there is nothing we can do to change that, we have to focus on today and what we need to do.” But Cordelia interrupted. “Angel, if we knew who the mother was maybe it would shed some light..”

“She had nothing to do with this!” Angel said angrily. 

“Leave her out of it!” Everyone was silent, but they didn’t blame him, he has been though a lot these 276 years give or take another hundred spent tortured in a hell dimension.

Buffy looked down and closed the book in front of her.

“Well, I think we have all the details we need, let’s just all get some rest, we have a lot to get done tomorrow, we have to get Connor back.” Buffy added as she turned and looked at Angel to reassure him.

“If you need a place to stay, my house is available. Come on Dawn lets go home, you have school tomorrow.” Buffy said as she removed the door from her path.

“Ahh, do I have to go?” Dawn grumbled.

“Do I need to answer that?” Buffy countered. Dawn picked up her bag and followed Buffy out.

“Okay you heard her let’s get going, this place gives me the creeps, those eyeballs in that jar over there have been staring at me this whole time.” Gunn joked as they all gathered their belongings and followed Buffy out.


	3. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is back at Buffy's house and Buffy is dealing with the news that Angel has a child. Angel is not sure how he is going to tell Buffy the secret he has been keeping from everyone about Connor.

A few minutes after arriving home Buffy heard a knock on the door. She turned to see Tara making her way to the front door. She wasn’t ready to talk to anyone so she turned to make her way to the kitchen. Willow and Dawn saw her and pulled her aside.

“Buffy, are you okay?” Willow asked as she placed a hand on Buffy’s shoulder.

“I’m okay, I can’t think about myself right now, Will, you understand,” she replied as she looked up and watched Angel come through the door.

Dawn moved closer and whispered in her ear. “Do you want me to tell him off for you?”

Buffy almost smiled. “He doesn’t deserve that, Dawny, right now he needs our support, he just lost his son, man that sounds so weird, Angel’s son, didn’t think I would ever say those words,” she lowered her head trying to hide the tears.

“Buffy?” Dawn asked, while reaching out for her face and shifting Buffy’s gaze up to hers. The sadness in her eyes was evident. “It’s okay to feel hurt, Buffy, we know how much you loved him.”

“That’s the thing, I’ve never stopped loving him, after all this time, he’s just a part of me, I can’t change it no matter how much I try, even though my head tells me there’s no chance that we could be together, my heart just won’t let go, it just can’t. Deep down inside he is still with me, like he never left. Because of that I don’t feel hurt, I feel denied,” with that she slipped into Dawn's embrace and took a deep breathe before she sobbed, “It’s not fair, Dawny, It’s just not fair.”

“Shhhh, I know it’s not, I know.”

Dawn held her, she knew as did the rest of the Scooby gang that Buffy had never moved on like Angel wanted, she just didn’t understand how Angel could have been so blind and short sighted, that he couldn’t see that all the love her sister had to give another man, she gave to him. Ever since he went away she had never been the same, like a part of her had gone with him. She closed herself up, not letting anyone in and she is still like that, she doesn’t let anyone get too close, she assumes everyone she lets in will eventually leave her; Mom, Angel twice, Giles, even Dawn almost. Dawn just wished she had the old Buffy back.

Willow hated to see Buffy hurt, she didn’t deserve that, she deserves so much more, she wished that that there was something that she could do. She saw Tara attending to the guest and she went to join her.

“Willow,” Cordelia called out after noticing Buffy in Dawn's arms.

“Yes,” Willow responded a bit annoyed.

“Is Buffy alright?” she asked.

“She just needs some time to take it all in, we all do,” Willow stated impatiently. She noticed Angel by himself in the dining room and she went to him.

He had already sensed her approaching.

“How is she?” he asked without as much as moving an inch.

“She’s dealing,” she replied, “How are you?” Angel did not respond right away but his body tensed.

After a minute he finally turned to look at her.

“I never meant to hurt her, you know that right,” his gaze landed on Buffy.

“Of course I do, she knows that too, she’s not blaming you at all Angel, you have to know she would never do that.” Willow reached out and grabbed his arm, he relaxed a little under her touch.

“She just feels,” Willow paused not sure if she should tell him.

“Feels what?” Angel asked, as his jaw twitched waiting for a response.

“Denied,” Willow responded.

Angel gave out a low whimper, and shook his head to regain his control. He remembered when he told her he couldn’t have children; she had wanted to have his child, deep down he knew. That is why he made sure she knew that he couldn’t have any. At least not as a vampire. He never thought this would happen, the powers that be never warned him, never even mentioned it, even though they must have known.

He knew how it felt to have a child, but she wouldn’t, she had been denied something no one should be. How could this happen, how could he allow her to be tormented in so many ways, Angel wondered if she would ever find happiness, she had been denied so many things, why this. He felt he was the reason for all her pain.

Willow sensed he was at the edge of breaking down. “Maybe you should talk to her later, in private.”

“I don’t think I can,” he began.

“You may not think so, but right now you’re the one she needs the most, you’re the one she’ll always need, that has never changed and will never change, she loves you more than life itself, nothing you do will ever change that.” Willow gave his arm a quick squeeze and slipped away.

After everyone had settled down, Buffy was trying to sleep but couldn’t shake the feeling that she needed to be somewhere else. She made her way downstairs, found herself searching for Angel, but he wasn’t in the house. She saw him standing outside on the porch. She tipped toed her way through the row of bodies spread out all over her living room to get to the front door. She slowly pulled the door open and quietly closed it behind her.

When she turned Angel was staring right at her. “I was just, um, going to, I could, I could go if you want,” she managed to spit out. She turned to go back in the house.

“No,” Angel choked out. Buffy stopped and turned around to look at him. The moonlight was reflecting off his pale skin. It still fascinated her that he always looked exactly like the day they had met. Her appearance changed so much through the years but he always looked the same, never changing. He was still the same, well in appearance only because she knew that the Angel before her was not the same Angel she fell in love with. That Angel was gone, he only lived in her dreams. Where she could imagine what they could have been, what they could have had.

“Stay”, he paused, “Please.” Buffy nodded and walked slowly to the steps and sat down, wrapping her arms around herself. It was silent for only a moment.

“Buffy.”  
“Angel.”

They both began.

“You first,” Angel insisted, he wasn’t quite ready to tell her his news.

“I’m sorry about your son,” she said sadly. “I’ll do whatever I can to get him back safely.”

Buffy knew that he was hurting inside and that he needed her as much as she needed him.

“I knew you would, I never doubted it for a second,” he replied as he kept his gaze on the ground below. “I wouldn’t have come unless I absolutely needed to,” he added, “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t” she replied, as she felt the tears welling up.

Angel noticed the pain suddenly wash upon her face, and she began to tremble. He moved in closer to shelter her from the chilly night.

Buffy tensed. “Please, I can’t, I mean it’s too much,” she told him without looking up at him.

“At least take my coat,” he said as he shrugged it off and gently placed it over her shoulder.

“Thank you.”.

After a moment she looked over at him. “Do you have a picture?”

Angel moved in closer to her and slipped his hand into the inside of his coat pocket. She was about to say something but realized what he was doing. His cold hand brushed against her chest and she tensed up.

Angel sensed her tension so he quickly removed his wallet, and then a small worn picture, which he handed to her.

Buffy reached for the picture, but she wasn’t sure if she could look at it, she wasn’t expecting him to actually have a picture on him or on her as the case may be. She looked down at the photo, as the soft light of the full moon illuminated the baby’s small face. She put a hand over her mouth, as she remembered how it felt when Glory took Dawn, and how she retreated from the world feeling that she had failed her sister, in some way. She knew Angel must be dying inside, but she wasn’t sure what to say, how to get him to talk about it. They had been apart for so long, and she always found it so hard to be near him. Nothing had changed between them, now there was even more keeping them apart, she stopped, and realized she had to bury those feelings, it wasn’t about them this time, it was about finding Angel’s son.

“He’s beautiful,” was all she could say as one finger traced the lines of the baby’s face.

Angel couldn’t help but notice how tenderly she ran her fingers over the picture of his son.

She knew Angel was watching her; she could feel his gaze burning into her. She returned the picture and he stared at it for a few seconds as she watched him. She slid toward him and wrapped her hands around his arm. She could feel the muscles in his arm tense and relax as he grew accustomed to her touch.

“Angel we’ll find him, you have my word.”

“How could they entrust him to me? What kind of Father am I, how could I let this happen!” he said angrily.

“Angel it isn’t your fault, there was nothing you could have done.” She said to comfort him.

“I could have killed Holtz when I had the chance.”

“You couldn’t have known.” Angel gave no response.

“Buffy,” he whispered as he shifted to meet her gaze. Buffy could see the pain in his dark brown eyes, and she couldn’t stand to see him suffer so much. “I feel like someone ripped my insides apart, and left nothing but an empty shell. I don’t think I can live if I lost him.”

She pulled him closer with one arm and caressed his back with the other. He shifted into her embrace and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding onto her tight, resting his forehead on her shoulder. She could feel his heart breaking.

After a while, Angel released his grip and relaxed, as if he found some kind of peace in her arms, Buffy welcomed the thought. Slowly he sat up next to her and looked over to see her tear stained face. He reached out and wiped the remaining tears, his thumb softly caressing her cheek and she smiled slightly. She reached up, wiped a tear from his cheek and he grabbed her hand, held it upon his face and turned his head until his lips pressed against her trembling hand. He met her gazed and leaned in and whispered.

“Buffy I need you, I need you more than I can stand,” his voice shaky and hoarse, and his lips merely inches away.

Buffy was paralyzed by his words, and nearness. In one gently motion their lips met; all the emotion that they had once buried came flowing out with a force that consumed them both.

“Angel,” she gasped with just a hint of protest in her voice, he pulled her tighter against him and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I know,” he moaned with such a need for her, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Feeling the coolness in his kiss caused her body to shiver.

The warmth that she brought to his cold body was something that only she could do. His kisses moved from her lips to her jaw, then slowly down her neck and back again.

“I think..” she tried to speak between kisses. She sat on his lap and straddled him . His hands ran up and down her back as their lips met again, and again.

Buffy unknowingly ripped Angel’s shirt, as he lifted her up and rolled her on her back. In that moment he looked at her and realized that if they didn’t stop soon he wasn’t sure he could. Buffy realized the same thing and pulled herself from under his weight. She didn’t want to make it any harder for him or herself. They reluctantly pulled away from each other.

“Maybe I should go back inside,” she said as she got up on her feet and moved toward the front door. Angel didn’t respond, didn’t even look at her.

“Angel, what’s wrong? Buffy asked.

“Do you love me? He asked calmly.

Buffy felt slight tug in the pit of her stomach because she knew that when Angel asked that question, it was always followed by some declaration of something he thought would cause her to stop loving him.

“Angel, I..” she whispered softly, a million thoughts raced through her head, but deep down inside she knew the answer all along.

“Always.” She said as she watched his gaze rise and meet hers.

“There’s something I have to tell you about Connor’s mother,” he said nervously.

Her instincts were right, but she wished they had not been.

“You don’t have to explain anything, Angel that was a long time ago, you had no idea this would happen, I mean who does, right? she joked.

But Angel was serious, she could see the pain in his eyes, as he searched her face for her true feelings, she turned her head. He moved to face her.

“It’s okay, I understand,” she said.

She had said those words before, but she would never remember. All the emotions from that day rushed to the surface, too much for him to control. Buffy watched as the pain and sadness washed over his face, it was unbearable for her to watch.

“Buffy, I love you so much,” he declared as tears began to fall. “I just hope you can forgive me.”

She was stunned, and did not understand what was going on.

“Why are you telling me this?” she questioned as she took a step back from him.

He began to move toward her and she eventually found herself pressed against the front door.

“I tried so hard to believe I could live without you but inside I knew that a part of me was missing,” he continued. “That I would never be as complete as I am with you.” He stood in front of her, staring right at her.

Buffy didn’t say a word. She just looked up at him and their eyes locked. The longer they stood there the more the walls she had built around her heart began to fall. Until suddenly she replied.

“Me, too, I tried so hard to forget but I couldn’t,” breathing a sigh of relief as the words came tumbling out.

Angel shook his head and closed his eyes, “but you did forget, because of me you forget everything,” he told her.

Buffy froze.

“What are you talking about?” Buffy questioned but Angel could not meet her gaze.

“Angel, what’s going on you're scaring me,” she said nervously.

“Please, tell me” she pleaded. “Let me help you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he answered.

“You won’t hurt me, Angel, I can take it, let me help you carry the burden. Her words spoke more to him than she realized.

“I didn’t know until Wesley mentioned something he had found, that’s why I came, I had to tell you before anyone else found out.”

“Why, me, you said it didn’t matter who it was, that it was in the past.”

“But it does matter.”

“Of course it matters to you, Angel, I wasn’t trying to…” she paused, “I just meant that it doesn’t matter because it’s in the past and what has been done can’t be undone, so what does it matter now?”

“ Because it’s you,” Angel replied.

“What about me?” She asked confused.

“You’re his mother, Buffy,” he answered softly. “You’re Connor’s mother.” He repeated.

Buffy stumbled backwards, and stared blankly.

“That’s impossible, how can you say that!” she questioned angrily.

“It’s true, I know it’s hard to believe but it’s true,” he continued.

“I think I would know if I had a son or not, especially if it was yours.”

“Not if it never happened,” he replied.

“If it never happened, then how could it have happened,” confused by his words she backed up farther.

She found herself on the front steps. He took a step toward her and she waved her hand in front of him and he stilled.

“Buffy, let me explain,” he pleaded.

“I want you to stay the hell away from me,” she slowly backed away and looked between the darkness behind her and the man in front of her. The choice was easy, she ran into the darkness, hoping that the night would swallow her up but Angel followed.

“Buffy!” he called out to her.

“Stay away, just stay away,” she yelled. She ran as fast as she could. The cold wind whipped across her face, and stung her eyes, but she didn’t care. She just kept running.

After a while she was numb, she didn’t know how long they had been running, but all she knew was that she needed to get away, far away. She needed to keep going but she knew it was no use. Angel would be able to keep up with her. No matter where she went he would be able to find her.

“Buffy!” Angel continued to call out.

“Get away from me, just stay,” she paused. She felt her tired legs give out beneath her as she fell forward, and skidded down the street until she came to a stop a few feet from where she fell.

Angel ran even faster to get to her, when she saw him getting closer, she tried to get up, but before she knew it he grabbed her and pulled her up. She struggled, kicking and punching him in the chest, but he just held on.

“Buffy listen to me,” he begged as he grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Let me go, just let me go, please,” she cried. “Please, please” she gasped. He could feel her weakening and he kneeled down on one leg as he held her closer to his chest.

“Shhhh, please,” he kissed her gently, “Don’t cry,” he told her as his voice trembled with, he could feel her soul cry out.

“I wanted to tell you, I wanted to tell you so badly.” He whispered in her ear. The sobs still wreaking through her body. Angel tensed, he could feel vampires were near. She wasn’t safe out here in her condition. He had to get her out of here.

“Well, Well, Well, what do we have here? The slayer and her neutered puppy?”

Angel felt Buffy’s body tense up against his embrace.

“Spike,” he growled.

“Last time I heard you were the neutered one, do me a favor and get lost, or I’ll finish the job.”

“I’ve been cured, so you see me and the slayer have some unfinished business, isn’t that right love?” Spike motioned for Buffy to take his hand.

Angel felt Buffy tremble, and then push him off her. She was still weak but the anger she felt fueled her strength.

“Angel go away, I can handle this on my own,” Buffy said trying to regain her composure.

“I’m not leaving you.” Angel replied.

“That again, I think she’s tired of hearing that one lover boy. It was because of you she came running into my arms.”

“Spike don’t you dare, I’ll rip your heart out!” Buffy threatened.

“It’s a little too late for that love, don’t you think? Now, I know why Angelus was so obsessed with you, shagging a slayer is much more fun than killin them.”

Angel’s head whipped around to look at Buffy, he was hoping she would tell him it wasn’t true, but she didn’t look at him.

Spike was delighted with Angel’s reaction, but he wasn’t through torturing them yet.

“But it’s not as fun as raping one, you should try it Angel, the look on her face, he paused, it was to die for.”

Before Buffy could react Angel gave out a low growl and lounged at Spike, for some reason she couldn’t move. Angel threw a right-handed jab and knocked Spike onto the ground.

“Get up, Spike, this ends here.” Angel growled. Spike rubbed his chin and laughed.

“Oh, but it’s just beginning,” Spike replied as he flipped himself on his feet, and rushed Buffy.

Five vamps jumped Angel from behind. Spike managed to pin Buffy to the ground.

“Buffy!” Angel yelled, as he broke the neck of one of the vampires.

She was struggling under Spikes grip. He couldn’t get to her, but he heard what Spike was telling her.

“Don’t sweat it love, so he knows, big deal, it’s not like he told you about Cordelia.”

Buffy stopped struggling and stared at Spike.

“Cordelia?” she questioned.

Angel could hear the hurt in her voice.

She wanted to get away she didn’t want to believe a word Spike said.

“I didn’t believe it myself when Harmony told me, but I checked it out, and there they were together in bed.” Buffy flinched.

Word on the L.A streets, was that the soul trader tried to rip his soul out, but couldn’t. First thing he did was Cordelia, gotta tell you Angel, you really had me fooled I thought there was only one girl for you, I know Buff would agree with me. Right, love?”

He grabbed Buffy’s hair and pulled her head up. Buffy groaned as he turned her head so that she could see Angel.

“Open your eyes and look at him, look at the man you couldn’t get over, who left you to fight alone and die, so he could save none other than Cordelia. Do you really think he is better than me, that he deserves your love more than I do, does his soul really make him better, tell me what he has that I don’t.” He held Buffy’s face in front of his.

“Tell me or I’ll kill you right here,” he threatened as he shook her.

He became angrier with her silence and put his hands around her neck. Buffy couldn’t breathe; she reached for his hands and tried to loosen his grip but it just caused him to tighten his grip.

Spike with too distracted, to see that Angel had managed to eliminate his attackers.

“How about I kill you instead” he answered and before Spike could react, Angel plunged a stake deep into Spike's heart.” He let Buffy go and stumbled to the ground. He reached out to her. His eyes filled with sadness.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” he whispered just before the chilly wind carried him away.

Buffy couldn’t believe what had happened, Angel tried to help her up but she forcefully pulled away.

“Don’t touch me!” she said as she dusted Spikes remains off her body.

Angel winced at the coldness in her voice.

“Buffy I.”

“Don’t!” She said as she lifted her hand up to stop his words.

“It’s not like you didn’t..” Angel began.

“So you're okay with what happened between Spike and me.”

“Of course not, It’s just,” he paused.

“It’s just what.” She paused. “If I remember correctly you left me, oh what was the excuse again, you wanted me to have a normal life, to move on, I guess you’re the one that wanted to move on, or did you just want something convenient, something that wouldn’t cost you anything. Something that would make you feel something other than the cold. As far as I can tell the same obstacles that stood in our way are still there, do you just love her more to make it work.” She accused him angrily.

“I know how much Spike must have hurt you but don’t take it out on me.”

“Spike hurt me yes, but only because I let him. You turned your back on me when I needed you the most, you made me feel worthless, that somehow I deserved the pain he inflicted on me. So far you have been the only one who has hurt me, the only one who has managed to stake my heart time and time again.”

“Buffy, I didn’t realize.” He answered painfully. “I didn’t want it to turn out this way, I was only doing what I thought was best.”

“What was best for you,” she replied, “Stop acting as if you care about me, Angel, I know full well that you don’t.”

“How can you say that, you know I..”

“Do I, do I really know that you love me. You come to me and profess your love before you tell me that I am the mother of your child. You tell me you love me out of guilt. I’m pretty sure if I wasn’t in danger of finding out from someone else eventually, you would have never told me. If Connor was never kidnapped you would have never come. So stop pretending that you love me to spare my feelings because I don’t think I have any more feelings to spare.”

“It’s not like that, just let me explain,” he replied as he moved toward her.

“I don’t want to hear any more of your lies, Angel.” Tears streaming down her face.

“Oh ya, you better keep her away from me, if she even tries to..” She just stopped and began to turn around but Angel grabbed her angrily and pulled her close, on the brink of revealing his vampiric features, but neither one seemed to care.

“Listen to me Buffy, what Cordelia and I had meant nothing my love for her could never compare to the love I feel for you. We both realized that I couldn’t love her in the way that she needed to be loved, completely, because when it comes down to it, you’re the only one I have ever loved, you’re a part of my life and that will never change, but you have to realize that we can never be together, no matter how much we love each other, it’s just not meant to be. I know that it is hard to believe but you are Conner’s mother, and that still won’t change who or what we are. Why do you insist on believing in something that couldn’t possibly come to pass?”

“Because it was all I had left.” Her voice was small and barely audible but Angel heard it. He gently released her and neither one could look away. All the things he had done believing it was for the best seemed to have made matters worse, but how could they be together, it was impossible. She had been through so much, and he could see that it was slowly killing her, how could he have not seen this before.

“Buffy I’m sorry.”

She didn’t respond, she just turned and limped away, shivering from the cold inside and out. Her heart and soul trembled in disbelief, as the hopes that she had been harboring for so long were crushed in one blow. Every word he spoke, and everything they had done, she remembered and held on to, not wanting to let go fearing that somehow her memories would disappear. She had always felt like there love was greater than even they could imagine, that the bond between them couldn’t be broken. She felt foolish for believing that she was special because she was the only person he would ever love. She gave him so much that she had nothing else to offer anyone else. She continued to walk deeper into the dark night, as Angel watched from a far. She knew that the sun would be up soon and he couldn’t follow and that was comforting in a way.

Angel could sense the coming of dawn, and he hated the fact that he couldn’t follow her, and make sure she was all right. He reached for his phone and called Gunn. He would ask him to watch over her.

***********************************************

It wasn’t hard for Gunn to catch up with her, she wasn’t exactly in a hurry, she was just wondering around in deep thought.

“I know you’re following me,” Buffy called out.

“How did..?” Gunn replied as he step out from behind the corner.

“Slayer senses, remember?”

“Look, Angel just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Yea, I figured?” she said softly as she sat down on a bench.

“Do you know that he thinks I’m Connor’s mother? she asked.

Gunn was surprised by her question, but he answered it anyway.

“No, I didn’t, I don’t think anyone knew.”

“Do you have any idea what could possibly make him jump to such a ridiculous conclusion?” she asked.

Before Gunn could answer, someone else answered for him.

“Yes, as a matter of fact I do.”

Gunn recognized the voice and got in front of Buffy, she was surprised because she didn’t hear anything approaching them.

“What do you want? Gunn asked.

“I believe I was answering the Slayer’s question.” Sahjhan replied.

“You’re even more beautiful in the present form, Angel sure knows how to pick them,” he said with a smirk.

“Who are you?” Buffy asked ready to fight.

“Don’t worry I can’t hurt you, I’m not from this time, I’m here to help you find the answers you are searching for,” he explained as he extended his hand for her to take.

“Don’t listen to him Buffy, he’s the demon who brought Holtz back,” Gunn yelled.

“How can you possibly help?” Buffy asked curiously.

“I can take you back in time, so you can see the answers for yourself. I have been to the future and to the past you’re the only one who can get Conner back, your soul is the key.” he replied.  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she questioned.

“Buffy I don’t like the sound of this,” Gunn said.

“It means dear girl that if you don’t come with me Connor will die and you will never find out the truth.”

He lifted his finger and a portal opened. Only your soul can pass through this portal, it will eventually lead you to Connor and the answers you seek, this is a one time offer, take it or leave it.”

Gunn was on the phone with Angel, and Buffy could hear him yelling at Gunn to stop her from jumping into the portal.

“Don’t do it Buffy, you can’t trust him,” Gunn yelled.

“I don’t trust him, I trust myself, tell Angel I’m going to get his son back, if it’s the last thing I do.”

Wesley and Willow drove up in Angel’s car, they both ran toward Buffy and Gunn. Willow watched as her best friend grabbed the stranger's hand and walked into the portal, Buffy looked back.

“Willow take care of Dawn for me,” she turned back to face the portal and disappeared into it.

“Buffy NO!!!” Willow screamed.

Gunn ran and tried to enter the portal but it sent him flying through the air and crushing to the ground.

Sahjhan just smiled and whispered.

“Together they are powerful, alone they are dead.”


	4. Past, Present, and Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy meets someone from her past, present, and future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the wonderful comments. I appreciate it very much. Sorry it has taken me so long to update. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Previously in Chapter 3

“Together they are powerful, alone they are dead.”

  
************************************  
Dawn laid in Buffy’s bed tossing and turning, in her dream she had flashes of the two books she found, Buffy, then Angel, then a baby, and then herself. A voice whispering together they are powerful, alone they are dead. Dawn woke up with a start. “Buffy!”

Angel heard Sahjhan’s words; he stared blankly as his thoughts were elsewhere. “Buffy?” he barely whispered.

“Angel, what’s wrong, what happened?” Fred tried to get Angel to snap back into existence.  
His features were still; she could only see the pain that washed across his sunken eyes. He slowly removed the phone from his ear and brought it down to his side. Fred took the phone and made sure no one was on before she hung up.

“Angel, if something is,” she began but when she looked up he was gone, “wrong?” She stared at the empty space where he once stood and sighed sadly, she knew he couldn’t go far because it was light out, but that wouldn’t stop him from distancing himself from them. Just like he did the last time he had that look on his face. The last time she had heard him speak her name like that. She turned to see Dawn standing at the front door with tears in her eyes, staring up in the direction that Angel fled.

Dawn was making her way down the stairs when Angel ran passed her. She watched as Angel fled into Buffy’s room. He never was one to show his emotions in front of anyone, well except for Buffy that is. So something did happen it wasn’t a dream, the tears welling up and pushing against the back of her eyes, her vision started to become blurry at the thought of losing Buffy. She shook her head, trying to get the images of her dream out of her mind, the tears dripping from her eyes when she blinked, her breathe trying to escape but finding no exit. She couldn’t believe what was happening, Buffy was really in trouble and there was nothing anyone could do to help her, they were helpless and Angel knew that as well as she did. She had hoped it was only a dream, but deep inside she knew it was different. She turned and ran back upstairs into her room, slamming the door behind her.

Chapter 4

Buffy recognized the stream of energy that coursed through every fiber of her body. The energy consumed her as it swirled around her in a furious mass of light and dark. She ached from the inside out.. She was moving but she couldn’t feel it, and the tingling sensation just wouldn’t stop. She had figured it was some kind of trap, but maybe she could find out something in the process. Waiting for the answers to fall on her lap was not her style. If the answers won’t come to me I’ll just have to go to them. Besides wherever he was taking me can’t be any worse than where I’ve already been. Suddenly everything stopped and she was floating in pit of pure darkness. Okay maybe I was wrong.

Before she had time to adjust to her surroundings she felt her body being pulled in a different direction, everything in front of her was pitch black but something was different. This pull felt familiar. She put her hands in front of her body worried that she was going to run into something. Her body was moving faster now, she could feel the pressure on her skin, and and the force growing stronger.. A flash of bright light disrupted the darkness. She shut her eyes and braced herself expecting the worst, but nothing ever came. She just found herself lying on solid ground.

************************************

“Where is she?”came the screams from the shadows. “How could you have lost her? I basically handed her to you.”

“My queen, you must understand something happened, something out of my control; half way there I lost her, something much stronger pulled her away,” Sahjhan explained. His eyes scanned the room looking for the closest exit. He was scared of what she was going to do to him.

“I have no time for this, you must find her and destroy her, NOW, before she ruins everything!” she yelled as Sahjhan disappeared to do her bidding.

**************************************

Buffy opened her eyes. The fog was thick; she could barely see her hands in front of her. The air was extremely moist and hot, which made her clothes cling to her skin. She closed her eyes and listened to her surroundings. All the sounds seemed to blend together; she couldn’t pick one from the other. Well, I’m not in Sunnydale anymore, she thought. She turned when she heard rustling behind her. She couldn’t see what was coming, but she knew it wasn’t alone. She felt her senses tingling; chills ran down her spine, something was familiar about what she felt.

For a moment she was thrown. Then something slammed against her body from one side, and the force of the impact knocked the wind out of her. Her senses went wild; her body telling her one thing and her mind another. I must be losing it. She struggled against what she thought was a human on top of her, since she was pinned against the ground and his body, how can he be so cold when it’s so hot here.

She heard the high pitch screeching above her and realized he was protecting her from what seemed to be something that at the moment was breathing hot air all over them. All her instincts told her to protect herself but for some reason she didn’t move a muscle.  
A few minutes passed and the creature was gone, but for some reason she was still pinned against the ground, and she had that feeling, that feeling she got anytime... there’s no way, I must be hallucinating, he can’t be here. She felt his weight shift off her body, and she took that opportunity to distance herself from him. She stopped abruptly. She didn’t want to turn around, for fear of what she would find. Her hands began to shake when she heard his voice.

“Buffy?” he trembled at the release of her name, as if it was the holiest of names which had escaped from his unworthy lips. She turned around slowly, unable to release a single breath from her chest. Her gaze fell upon his vampiric features, the tears in his eyes glittered wildly against his tortured yellow eyes. Their eyes locked, neither one moved for fear that it was just their imagination.

“Angel?” his name escaped from her lips like a silent prayer. His features changed at the sound of her soft voice, and she ran back and kneeled at his side.

“Angel, how did you,” she gasped as images of Angel returning from hell filled her mind when she saw him up close. No, it can’t be. He’s not. We’re not. She broke from her thoughts when she felt him grab her tightly around her waist, and started sobbing quietly.  
“I, I thought I would never see you again.” he cried squeezing her even tighter.

She was scared to touch him, her arms by her side, but as the realization of what had occurred set in she shifted his body so she could cradle him in her arms. A single tear trailed down her flushed cheeks, as she gazed down at his hand and saw him wearing the claddagh ring with the heart pointing toward him.

*******************************

“Still no luck?” Willow asked Tara when she saw her coming down the stairs.

“No, she won’t come out.” Tara replied.

“Angel still won’t come out either,” Cordelia informed them as she walked passed as if they didn’t exist.

“Does that mean he’s not coming back with us to L.A.?” Fred asked hoping that maybe they could stay and help out.

“I guess not, but we should go anyway, Lorne says it’s getting hairier than usually over there.” Cordelia found her coat and put it on.

“Don’t you guys need Angels help?” Xander felt uncomfortable about having Angel around and wished they would just take him with them. “It is his investigations, isn’t it?”

“Actually with Cordelia’s new found half demon status, she can pretty much handle anything.” Fred declared.

“Are you serious, how did that happen? Oh, let me guess, it’s just your true self shining through.” Xander mocked.

“Actually it’s a long story and none of your business.” Cordelia rebuked. “If Angel decides to join the world of the living tell him we’ll be in L.A.” Cordelia yelled into the air, she knew he could hear her.

“I think it would be best if I stayed behind and helped with the matter at hand.” Wesley announced to everyone. “I think I may be close to translating the end of the inscription.”

“Sure. Whatever. Knock yourself out. Wherever you feel most useful.” Cordelia said curtly.  
.  
“Hey, was that necessary, Cordelia?” Gunn asked as he came to stand next to Wesley and Fred.  
“Sorry, Wes, I’m just sick and tired of Buffy always doing this. I just knew she was going to do something that would make Angel go all catatonic on us again,” she explained.

“I know you’re not saying that this is all Buffy’s fault,” Xander questioned angrily.

“Isn’t it always, she does what she wants, never stopping to think how it will effect anyone else, and now look at Angel, locked up in her room torturing himself over her decision.” Cordelia yelled crossly, as she waved her hand toward Buffy’s room.

“You came here asking for our help, remember?” Willow stated coldly, trying to keep herself from jumping out of her skin and attacking Cordelia.

“You’re right, we did ask for your help but then Buffy, miss I don’t play well with others screwed everything up,” She retorted.

“Cordelia?” Fred gasped as her and covered her mouth in surprise.

“Where is your perfect Buffy now? We have no idea where she is or even if she is still alive. She jumped into that portal blindly, and now we have to clean up the mess she left behind, just like we did last time.” Cordelia heard Dawn’s door open and watched her come down the stairs and stop in front of her.

“My sister is risking her life to save Angel’s son. As I recall the same son you guys were supposed to protect in the first place. So don’t come into my home and insult my sister for doing what you couldn’t do,” Dawn said angrily.

“Risking her life? It’s just part of her job description; getting killed is the only thing she is good... (SLAP!!).”

The force of Dawn’s hand on her face wasn’t what she expected; she seemed to have more strength than she led on. She turned immediately to face Dawn and swung her arm, but was stopped sharply just a few inches from Dawn’s face.

“Angel?” Cordelia was surprised by Angel’s sudden appearance and the grip he had on her arm.

Dawn stepped back to stand next to Willow, Tara, and Xander, who were trying to calm her down, and also praising her silently. Angel was still holding on to Cordelia’s wrist, as he stared down at her, his eyes blazing with fury. She snatched her wrist out of his grip.  
“Angel, I’m...” she began.

“Cordelia, I don’t want to hear it, you understand me, don’t pretend you didn’t mean it,” he retorted.

“Angel can’t you see she stepped into that portal to make you suffer, to get back at you for having a life, for moving on. Angel this isn’t your fault, don’t let her do this to you to us.” She stopped at the sound of Angel laughing.

Everyone stepped back expecting the worst. Xander slowly shifted and shielded Tara, Dawn and Willow with his arms outstretched. Angel slowly stepped closer to Cordelia, his sinister laughter stopping abruptly.

“You think you have everyone and everything figured out, but you don’t even know the half of it. His voice was low and threatening. You think you know her but you don’t, you never will, so don’t lecture me on things you couldn’t possibly understand. For the record, there is no us, there never was and there never will be.”

“You don’t scare me Angel, so back off. If you don’t want to accept what she’s doing that’s fine, but you’re not taking us down with you. We’re going back to L.A where there are actually people we can help. We’ve done everything we can accept it. Connor is just not coming back, and neither is Buffy, they are lost forever, it’s over.” She walked passed him and headed toward the front door.

“It’s never over,” Angel replied in a low growl.

“Are you guys coming?” She called from the porch as she ignored Angel. Gunn approached the door, but Fred stayed behind and turned to Angel. She saw the sadness in his eyes.

“Fred?” Gunn asked with his hand outstretched. Fred looked at Angel waiting for his response. Angel nodded for her to go. She was unsure, she looked at Gunn, but he knew what she wanted.

“No, Charles, I’m staying I can’t just leave with Connor and Buffy missing and all. It’s just not right.” She explained.

“Well, if you’re not going then neither am I.” Gunn responded as he turned and walked to her.  
Dawn and Willow both walked to the front door where Cordelia stood waiting, and angry that they had decided to stay.

“Bye, Bye.” Dawn said as she shut the door in Cordelia’s face.  
**************************************************

The sky was mostly red with black clouds of smoke rising into it. There were pits with fires blazing within, making the climate extremely hot. The smell of sulfur, and burnt flesh filled the air, and the thick smoke made it even more difficult to breathe.

They had found refuge in a small cave a few feet above where they were attacked. Buffy stood against the cave wall, while Angel kept watch at the entrance or tried to at least. He would look at Buffy every chance he got, just to make sure she hadn’t disappeared.

“I think they're gone.” She slide down the wall and sat on the ground. It was even hotter in the cave than outside. Its feels like an oven in here.

“They’ll find us, they always do.” He replied as he watched her lethargic movements.

“It’s too hot in here for you. We have to find some place cooler.” He told her.

“I think you're right, I’m burning up I need to remove some of my clothes.” It should be okay, she thought, it’s like having on a bathing suit. She took off her top and bottom revealing a satin tee and lace underwear. Angel turned slightly to give her some privacy but she could see that his body had tensed up and he was clenching his fists by his side.

“Angel, I’m still.” She wiped the sweat off her forehead, and tried to keep her eyes open, but it felt like she was losing consciousness. Her body slid sideways down the wall and she felt her head hit the ground.

“Buffy!” He was by her side now and kneeling down, reaching to put his hand under her head. He knew he had to get her cooled off. “Hey, come on stay with me.” He shook her slightly.

“You. You feel so good.” She said as she pressed herself against his cold body. Her words coming out slow and muffled. She wrapped her arms around his body but her strength was starting to fade.

“Buffy you have to hold on to me, we have to get your body temperature down.” She didn’t respond so he removed his shirt and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly against himself.

Buffy slowly started to come to, she tried to remember what happened but found herself cocooned in Angel’s arms. Thinking it was a dream she began to leave a trail of kisses on his chest.

“Buffy.” He gasped as she continued pressed her lips onto his bare chest. He pulled her away gently so he could see her face. She was more beautiful than he had remembered. He caressed the outline of her face with his hand, and continued down her arm, eventually entangling his fingers between hers. They both felt the rush of emotions flowing within them, their bodies responding as if they had never been away from each other; as if this was the place they belonged. Buffy’s hands automatically caressed the nape of his neck. Feeling his muscles tensing underneath her fingers, she moved her hand into in his hair. He slowly ran his fingertips down her back, and she trembled as his touch sent chills down her entire body.

She looked up at him and met his gaze and she realized this was not a dream when she saw the way he looked at her. She pulled him down toward her and caught his lips between hers, before he noticed. She knew he could see her, all of her, but she couldn’t let him, not now. She just wanted to feel him. She just wanted him back again. She just wanted to lose herself in him.

There was a hunger growing with every kiss, they just couldn’t seem to satisfy so their kisses became more desperate. There arms trying to hold on to each other, wanting nothing more than to never let go of one another. There was a whirlwind of emotions and images flying through her mind as she tried to push them aside. The more she tried to hold them back the more she lost control. Until it was all too much.

“Angel!” She gasped as the tears began to fall, and everything stopped. They both pulled away, panting heavily. Buffy slipped out from underneath him and sat up, bringing her legs up to her chest, burying her face in her knees. Angel paused, looked up at her and slowly crawled toward her. He raised his hand and touched her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, for what I did to you,” she sobbed.

“Buffy, it’s okay, you did what you had to do.” He took her into his arms and held her.

“But I didn’t warn you or anything I just did it.” She protested.

“You told me all I needed to know, the rest eventually came to me.” He replied.

“If anyone should be sorry it should be me. What I did to you Buffy was unforgivable.” She felt him tense up. His grip tightening around her.

“Unforgivable, and sending you to a hell dimension for 100 years is forgivable.” She questioned.

“You weren’t in control of Angelus, but I was in control of myself, Angel. I made the decision.” She replied.

“If you wouldn’t have done it, I would have. There is no way I would let anything happen to you. I would give up everything just to keep you safe, even if it would only keep you safe for another minute.”

“Angel, I.. “ tears running down her cheeks, and the pain of knowing that she didn’t have him anymore made it even worse.

“Shhhhhh.” he kissed the top of her head. “It’s over, and we’re together, and that’s all that matters.” He stated.

“Yeah, we’re together.” She repeated softly, somehow his words sounded so familiar.

“Now all we have to do is find a way out of here. Do you think you’re up for it?” He stood and extended his hand to her.

“Yes, I guess.” Buffy grabbed his hand, and pulled herself up. But she was unsure if she really wanted to leave. She would stay anywhere as long as Angel was with her. She put her clothes back on and followed Angel out of the cave.

“And you know I haven’t been here for 100 years, more like 50. Come to think of it, time must go really fast here, because you don’t even look a day past 21.” He turned to look at her.

“I just turned 21 this year,” she informed him. I was going to tell you that I’m from the future but it seems like you’re a few years ahead of me.” She explained.  
“So you’ve been trying to find me for 4 years, while I’ve been trying to get out for 50 years. I think I like your numbers better.” He joked.

“Me too.” She was not sure of what to say. He thought she had come for him, when in fact she never tried looking for him. She had given up far too easily. What was she going to tell him? All this time and he still loved her. He still wanted her.

“All I’ve been doing for 50 years is trying to get back to you.” He leaned down and whispered into her ear. Buffy didn’t respond it was just too much, she just kept on walking.

“Buffy, did I say something wrong?” He asked as they continued to walk. Then she stopped.

“We’re not together anymore.” She told him.

“I don’t understand, is there someone else in your life?” Angel looked so hurt that Buffy thought of not telling him anything; she didn’t want to hurt him anymore. She didn’t want to change him in anyway by telling him things he couldn’t even possibly comprehend. But he needed to understand.

“In my dimension you came back about three months after you disappeared into the portal, I think it will be in another 50 years or so in this dimension. So you’re actually in the past for me, even though you’ve been here for 50 years.”

“And were not together in the future?” He asked extremely confused.

“No, we're not.” He grabbed her hand and noticed that she didn’t wear the ring he had given her on her 17th Birthday.

“Did I die?” He asked.

“No, you’re still alive, why would you ask that?” she replied.

“That would be the only reason I could think of why we wouldn’t still be together.” He told her in all honesty.

“Oh.” She replied. She hated to see him so confused and hurt.

“I’m sorry, I wish it were different.” She said trying to make things better.

“Then why isn’t it?” He asked trying to understand. His tone had changed.

“Because it’s what you wanted, you didn’t want me to be a part of your life, and so you left me.” She replied, tears threatening to fall for both of them. Both still standing firm. But Angel’s resolve soon faded when he saw how much it hurt her to say.

“Buffy, I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”

“Forget about it.” She said as she turned and walked away from him. She wasn’t going to let the future spoil the past. Let’s just find a way out of here.

They climbed down the mountainside and were about to reach the ground, when they heard something approaching. They both jumped to the ground and hid behind a large boulder. It was a group of demons.

“What are those?” Buffy whispered softly.

“The Queen's army, I’ve been running away from them since I got here, in addition to everything else that lives here.” He replied. Buffy sighed sadly next to him.

“If they catch you, they’ll either throw you in the dungeon or kill you.”

“That’s it, no questions asked?” Buffy wondered.

“They hate humans, mostly because they’re afraid of them.” He continued.

“Afraid? They are like five times bigger than us, and way uglier. Why would they be afraid of us?” Angel grinned just slightly, the first time in a long time. Buffy was happy to see him smile even if was just for a second.

“It has something to do with an ancient prophecy.” Angel answered.

“Not another prophecy, just once I would like it to be just because. You know, shit happens.” She grumbled.

“Shit happens?” Angel said as he tilted his head.

“Yes, you know, no one controlling your every move, your very existence. What’s the point of living if someone already has the script to your life? I’m sick and tired of everyone telling me, this is your destiny, there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re not meant to have a life, so you have to sacrifice yourself and everything that you love for the sake of saving a world you will never really belong to.” She couldn’t believe she had just said all those things, how was it that Angel could make her spill her guts without even trying.

“You of all people should know that prophecies can be avoided, they are just the compass. You make your own path. You make your own decisions; no one can force you to do anything you don’t want to do already. Your decisions just happen to affect the fate of the world.” He reached out and took her hand in his, giving her a slight squeeze.

“Yes, hence the baggy eyes. Thank God there are no mirrors here.” She joked.

“You’re beautiful.” He told her as she tried to avoid eye contact.

She looked to where the demons stood.

“Hey, what are they doing?” she questioned.

“They seem to be waiting for something.”

“To fall out of the sky?” she asked confused.

“I’m guessing.”

“Do you have a lot of things falling from the sky here?” She asked curiously.

“Not really, you were the first I’ve seen.” He replied.

“Did you fall from the sky too?” She couldn’t believe she was asking him that, but it seemed relevant.

“I guess I did, it was all very confusing at that time, getting my soul back and being sent to a hell dimension at the same exact time.” He grew quiet. Buffy quickly changed the conversation.

“So do you think another portal is going to open here?”

“Maybe.”  
They didn’t have to wait long for the answer, because soon they heard a loud crackling sound coming from above them. They looked up to see a swirling mass open a huge hole in the sky. Lightning struck an already burnt tree nearby. They heard one of the demons give orders.

“Kill the human, but do not harm the child, bring the child to me!” He roared.

Buffy’s mind was racing, how many times do you hear about a man jumping into a portal with a child, not many. It had to be Holtz, and Conner coming through.

“Angel we got to do something?” she pleaded desperately.

“Alright, what is it you want to do?” He asked.

“They are distracted by the portal now, we should make our move, you take those on the left and I’ll take those on the right. Ready, Go!”

Angel jumped on the first demon he saw and broke his neck, the others responded. Three came at him at once, and he dodged them as best he could, getting hit a few times in the process. The other demons watched as Angel attacked the others. They didn’t notice Buffy climbing up the mountainside. She dropped a boulder on top of one of the demon’s head, sending him crushing to the ground. The demons were now aware of her. She jumped over them, and rolled on the ground to lessen the impact of the fall. She saw that Angel had managed to grab one of their swords and was swinging wildly.

“Kill them!” Came the orders from one of the demons.

“Well, if you say so,” Buffy replied sarcastically, as she swiped a sword and plunged in into the demon's side.

There was a blinding flash of light, and a man appeared under the portal holding what Buffy knew was Conner wrapped in a blanket. She noticed that Angel would be able to get to him faster than she could.

“Angel, the baby!” She announced.

“The child, get the child,” the demon ordered.

Buffy rushed in front of the demons heading toward them, to buy Angel some time. Angel rushed toward Holtz but stopped.

“Holtz!?” Angel gasped.

“Angelus?!” Holtz countered.

“Give me the child and run, they are going to kill you and take the child.”

“Never, let them kill me.” Holtz replied.

Buffy watched the interaction; she wasn’t going to be able to hold off the demons for long.

“Angel, hurry!” She cried.

“If you come near him, I’ll kill him.” Holtz threatened. The baby was shrieking loudly, in Holtz’s arms.

Buffy and Angel saw the demon in charge approach Holtz from behind. He swung his sword at Holtz’s neck sending it rolling to the ground. Angel took the opportunity to grab the screaming baby and run. Angel looked down to see if the baby was still alive, since it had stopped crying in his arms but he paused when he saw the child’s face. Something about this child was throwing him, the only other time that ever happens is when. He was snapped out of his thoughts with Buffy’s scream.

Buffy was distracted for a moment, and the demons got the upper hand, sending her flying into the side of the mountain.

“Buffy!” Angel called.

“Angel, run, get him out of here!” she panted. “Watch out!” She cried.

It was too late Angel felt the sword pass through his chest. He fell on his knees, still clinching the silent child.

“Angel!” Buffy cried, as she got up trying to fight the demons off.

The demon grabbed the child from Angels weakened grip, and punched him in the face sending him to the ground. The demon then faded into the thick fog with the child’s cries echoing from the distance.

“Nooooooo!” Buffy cried trying to release herself from a demon's grip.

Angel took the sword out of his chest, got up and walked toward the two demons that were attacking Buffy. He didn’t understand what he was feeling but it meant something, deep inside he knew it did. Two swings and both demons were dead.

He helped Buffy who was trying to get out from under the demon Angel just killed.  
She placed her hand on his wound. She ripped a long piece of fabric from a dead demon nearby. She wrapped it around Angel’s chest and tied it tight. He winced, and clenched his jaw as she worked.

“You should rest awhile and let that heal.” Buffy ordered. “They don’t seem to want to hurt the baby, so he’s safe for now.”

“Buffy, whats going on?” Angel asked.

“What do you mean?” Buffy wasn’t ready to answer that question, and she thought she wouldn’t have to but after what just happened she knew she may not have a choice.

“Angel, let’s find someplace safe first, then I’ll explain, I promise.” He stared at her for a bit and then nodded.

“I know of a place it’s kind of far but I think I can make it. There’s someone there who might be able to help us.”

“You actually know someone here, you can trust?” She asked.

“He took me in when I first got here. So I know I can trust him.” He answered.

“Then let’s go.” She stretched out her arm before them so that he could lead the way.

After walking silently for a while, Angel broke the silence.

“Buffy, I felt something when I held that baby, something I usually feel when I’m around you.” Buffy was surprised by his words. Why would he think that? She still didn’t believe what Angel had told her before she left.

“Is he your son?” He asked.

“What?! No!” She responded trying to keep her emotions from making her say more than she needed to. She was still a little confused about her feelings, she was dealing with Angel from the past, but she couldn’t help being mad at him for the things he was going to do in the future. She wasn’t sure how much she should tell him, she herself didn’t even know all the details. Was Angel telling the truth when he said Connor was hers?

“It’s complicated.”

“How complicated can it be he’s either yours or he isn’t.” He said dejectedly.

She could see he was hurt even a little jealous just at that thought of her having someone else’s child, because from his point of view, that would be the only explanation. She knew actually how he felt.

“All I know for sure is that he’s your son, something put him into Darla and no one is sure who the human mother is, but Darla was the one who carried him for 9 months. Someone put him in her, because you slept with her.” She responded a little more angrily that she meant to sound.

“That’s impossible.” He was as shocked by her words but also by her reaction.

“That’s what I thought, but then you stopped by Sunnydale and gave me the news, right after you told me that Holtz kidnapped him a couple of weeks earlier and you needed my help to get him back.”

“Kidnapped?” His eyes were glazed over.

“Then you told me that he was my son, but I would remember if he was my son wouldn’t I! I would remember if you were human and that we were together and that I was pregnant. How could I not remember something like that?” Buffy was frustrated and hurt and she turned to face him but was not looking up at him. She she stared at the ground between them.

“I was human?” He whispered trying to make sense of her words. His hands came up to hold on to her shoulders. “You were pregnant?”

“How could I forget, I would never forget.” she repeated to herself.

“Connor is our son?” Angel questioned, as he wrapped her in his arms. He felt Buffy lay her forehead on his chest as she shook her head against him.

“I would never forget, I would never forget!” She chanted against Angel’s chest like a prayer.

Buffy looked up to see Angels dark brown eyes shedding tears of their own. He looked down at her and saw it. He knew there was something different about her. The light he once saw in her was no longer as strong or as bright, and he was determined to light it up again so bright that nothing could ever extinguish it.

“Angel, I don’t know what to think, or what to do, I’ve been lost for so long I don’t know what to believe anymore.” She confessed.

“I know the feeling, but together we'll figure it out, we'll find our way. We’ll find Connor and then focus on getting you both back to where you belong.”

“And where is that? She asked.

“With me.”


	5. The Books of Dynamis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel gets a visitor and finds some much needed hope.

Tara and Willow had spent all night in the Summers’ living room mapping out Buffy and Connor’s essences so that they could locate them. Angel and Gunn went out to patrol and Wesley and Fred were in the basement trying to decipher the rest of the inscriptions. Both Xander and Dawn had fallen asleep on the books they had been researching earlier.

“Ah, it’s no use, I can’t seem to find Buffy or Connor anywhere, it’s as if they don’t even exist.” Willow groaned. “ I can’t even get a hold of Giles.”

“We’ve been at this all night, maybe we just need to rest a little,” Tara replied.

“But I can’t just rest in a nice comfy bed while Buffy is out there alone, cold, hungry without a nice comfy bed to sleep on, and if she comes back and finds us all asleep,” Tara places her hand on Willows cheek.

“She would understand.”

“But the not sleeping and the no comfy.” Tara leans in and kisses her. Willow returns the kiss slowly, but then they stop when they hear the door open. They both rush to the door.

“Angel, did you find anything?” Willow asked.

“Nothing.” He replied as he climbed the stairs.

Willow turned to Gunn. “What happened?”

“Just a bunch of vampires who were stupid enough to cross Angel’s line of sight or scent or hearing or all the above. I mean the man is giving off some major don’t mess with me vibes. You think they would pick up on it. It’s scary though, it’s like he’s not even there. He is just going through the motions.” He told them as he watched Angel retreat to Buffy’s room.

Angel closed the door and leaned against it. He stared at Buffy’s empty bed as he walked toward it and sat down. He looked over and saw her picture on the nightstand. He picked it up and held it in his hands. Every time he held his son he felt her, every time he looked into his eyes he saw her. He told himself it couldn’t be, that she had no part in his life, and all along a part of her was with him. _How could I have been so blind?_ _I would give anything to have them back._ He closed his eyes and soon gave into the exhaustion.

_ “Angel?” _

_ He immediately sat up on the bed and looked around the room. _

_ “Buffy?” he whispered. _

_ “Angel?” _

_ “Buffy, where are you?” he asked. _

_ “I’m here.” _

_ “I can’t see you.” _

_ “Close your eyes,” she replied. When he did her warmth and light filled his body completely and her image and scent filled his senses. _

_ “What’s going on?” He asked unwilling to open his eyes. _

_ “Let go and  you will see me right in front of you.” _

_ Angel opened his eyes slowly, to see Buffy standing at the edge of the bed. He reached out for her but she turned and walked away from him. She stood still with her back to him but no matter how hard he tried to get to her she was always out of reach. _

_ “Why can’t I reach you?” Angel asked. _

_ Buffy turned to face him. “Because something is missing.” Her eyes glistened with tears. _

_ “What is missing?” He asked.  _

_ She turned, walked toward the window, opened the blinds and faced him again. “So many things.” _

_ He looked out the window and saw the darkness outside slowly changing as the sun rose into the sky. The rays began to filter into the room and the window behind her shattered. _

_ “Angel?” she gasped as she collapsed into him holding her chest tightly. He caught her and knelt down with her in his arms. _

_ “Buffy!” He looked down at her chest and saw the blood spilling from underneath her hands and flowing slowly to the ground. The pieces of glass from the shattered window covered her back. He placed his hand firmly on her chest but was stabbed by the protruding end of what had penetrated her. He growled loudly but didn’t stop putting pressure on it. _

_ “And to think I was almost there. We were almost there.” _

_ “You’re going to be okay, just hold on.” Angel could feel her heart pumping hard trying to compensate for all the blood loss.. He pulled his shirt off and put pressure on the wound, but it was just getting worse, the shirt was soaked within seconds. _

_ “Angel, don't let them win.” She gasped. “Remember.” _

_ “Remember what?” _

_ “Wait for Dawn, restore the twilight….” She choked as she coughed up blood. He wiped away the blood with his thumb, and kissed her lips. “It's always been you.” _

_ Tears flowing down his face and mixing with hers, but when he looked into her eyes again her light was gone. _

“Buffy,” he yelled as sat up in her bed. He closed his eyes tight willing himself to remember and not forget.  He stiffened as he realized someone was in the room.

“Don’t be afraid, I’m not here to hurt you, lower being?” Angel recognized the voice and turned to where she stood. Her figure glowing in a blue mist.

“What are you doing here?” he growled. “Did you have anything to do with the dream I just had?”

“It was a vision not dream but to answer your question yes and no,” she said cautiously.

“I’m not in the mood to play games especially with the likes of you.”

The Oracle sighed. “You were supposed to have a vision that we created but someone manipulated it to create what you saw. That has never happened before and I came here to warn you....”

“Warn me? I’m pretty sure you are aware of the things that have transpired in the last couple of weeks. You probably have had this all planned out since the beginning of time. So your warning comes too little, too late as far as I’m concerned.”

“We had nothing to do with what happened. I mean, yes we saw the kidnapping of your child that was always in play but not the disappearance of your ...the slayer.”

“So it’s okay for my son to get kidnapped you can’t warn me about that because it was all a part of your grand plan but when it's my … wait what did you say?”

“We didn’t see the disappearance of the slayer and that event has the potential to cause a big enough shift  in time to throw everything into chaos. We must get her back before it’s too late.”

Angel paused and stared at the Oracle. He realized that she actually sounded frightened.

“You were not going to say the slayer, you called her something else. Please elaborate.” Angel crossed his arms and waited. He watched as she shifted nervously.

“I can not, I’ve already said to much.” she replied sternly.

“You haven’t said anything at all other than what I already know and that is that I need to get Buffy and Connor back. You haven’t even told me what the vision was suppose to be.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be of the Slayer dying in your arms. I fear however if things continue this way it might end up that way.”

“NO! I will not let that happen!” Angel charged the Oracle, but she did not flinch. She just put her hand up to stop his progression.

“I am not your enemy, lower being. Save your energy for the coming days. I can see that your son will be safe, however I can’t say the same for the Slayer. Her future and the fate of the world is in flux and will remain so until she makes up her mind.” the Oracle lips trembled at the thought.

“Makes up her mind, about what?”

“This particular Slayer’s life force is interlaced with the cosmos in such a way that her life choices create ripple effects within space and time. We felt this the moment she became the Slayer so we guided you to her to protect her and fight alongside her.  We knew she would have feelings for you but we did not foresee you returning her feelings and ultimately the power your union would create.”

“I’m starting to see a trend, all knowing but not knowing all at the same time.” he mumbled as he ran his hands through his hair. “I’m losing my patience, get to the point.” he growled.

The Oracle stared at him questioning if she should continue. 

“That union made both of you more powerful. We realized it and so did others.”

“Wolfram & Hart” 

“Yes.”

“So in order for them to win, all they needed to do was to keep us apart. Why didn’t you warn us or try to stop them?”

The Oracle turned around and refused to make eye contact. “Ultimately the choice of a champion is their own. We do not care about good vs evil, we are only hear to maintain the balance.”

“So you let them because our union was throwing off the balance of your precious scales.” Angel noticed her flinch at his words. “But now something “unforeseen” has happened yet again and you need our help because the balance of power has shifted.”

“It may seem that way  yes but ultimately.. ”

“No.” Angel interrupted.

“I don’t think you understand the ramifications of what you are saying.”

“You’re mistaken, I understand exactly what I’m saying. The amount of unforeseen circumstances that you have mentioned have me questioning your role in the whole scheme of things. Your goal is to get the results you want regardless of the cost to our lives or the lives of others, human or supernatural. We are no longer going to be your pawns. It was all fun and games when you were the only ones in control but now there is another player who is not playing by the same rules and has other  goals in mind and it’s not looking good for the cushy life you have created for yourself.”

“How dare you question our motives, lower being.” she spat out.

“Lower being, huh? I’m pretty sure you need our help more than I need yours so from where I’m standing that puts us on the same level, same playing field even. Like you said you can’t make us do anything, ultimately it’s our choice and I’ve made mine. At this point you're either with us or against us, it's your call.” Angel just stared and waited for her response. By the look on the Oracles face he was pretty sure his answer was also unforeseen.

“I must go,” the blue mist that surrounded her began to dim. “Wait for Dawn and restore the twilight bond that once was or all will be lost.”

The room grew dark as the Oracle faded away and Angel looked around just to make sure there weren’t any no more surprises.

There was a knock at the door. He moved to answer it.

“Angel are you okay?” Dawn asked.

“No not really.” He answered as he left the door open and walked back towards the bed.

“Bad dream,” she asked.

“More like a nightmare I haven’t woken up from.”

“I know what you mean,” she said Angel didn’t respond.

“Okay, well now that you’re up I can get my bag, I left it here yesterday.” Dawn  bent down to grab her bookbag when she noticed that the blinds were open and walked over to close them.

“That’s weird,” she said.

“What is?” Angel responded concerned.

“The blinds are never open, Buffy always has them closed.”

“Are you sure I always remember her having them open,” he replied.

“That was before…” Dawns stopped herself.

“Before what,” he asked curiously. Dawn sat on bed next to him.

“Before you left for L.A.,” she paused. “After you left she wasn’t all there, she tried to convince us that she was but she was never the same.”

Angel sat next to her, saddened by her words.

“During that summer before she went to college she was cleaning her room, and I walked in and opened the window, she yelled at me, and told me never to open it again. I asked her why, and she broke down and started crying. It was the infamous Angel cry. That is what me and mom called it anyway. Whenever she cried like that, we knew it was because of you. We could feel her soul bleed, if that is even possible, but I know that’s how I felt when I heard her through the walls at night.”

“I’m sorry, I guess I only seem to cause your sister pain.”

“No Angel, you shouldn’t be sorry, unless you’re also sorry for loving her and for her loving you. Cause without one you can’t have the other.”

Angel nodded his head in understanding, and in amazement that the little girl he once knew was growing up so fast.

“Anyways she didn’t want the window open so she wouldn’t look to see if you were there, which I thought was kind of stupid because she can feel you a mile away, something she could never do with Spike.”

“You don’t have to worry about him anymore,” Angel replied in a low growl.

“I’m not sure about that, we think he left town but he has left town before and has come back.”

“He’s gone.” He confirmed.

“How can you be so sure?” Dawn asked.

“He got his chip removed and ambushed us the night Buffy disappeared. He was about to kill her. So I….” he trailed off.

“You staked him.” Dawn said while creating the movement with her hand.

“Yes.”

“So I’m guessing you know what happened between them,” she asked.

“Only as much as I want to know,” he stated.

“Oh, yeah, me too,” She replied nervously.

“But you know you staked Darla and she came back, so with that record I’m not so sure the Spike show is over.”

Angel was silent, and lost in thought for a moment. Dawn could see how exhausted and overwhelmed he was. She knew he was blaming himself for everything that happened before and now. She got off the bed thinking that he wanted some time alone, since he wasn’t speaking or looking at her any more.

“She loves you, you know. It’s always been you.” She told him as she placed her hand on his shoulder. 

Angel looked up sharply. All the words in his dream were all cluttered in his mind.

Dawn picked up her bag and headed out of the room.

“Wait!” Angel shouted.

Dawn jumped and dropped her bag,  and all of its contents spilled out.

“You’re Dawn?” 

“Uhhhh, yeah. I thought we established that a long time ago.” Dawn kneeled down to pick up her things, and Angel did the same.

“Sorry I just…” Angel noticed the two books that fell out of her bag.

“What are these?” he asked, as he turned the books around to see the covers.

“Oh nothing just some old  books I found in the Magic box, the seals on the cover looked familiar so I brought them home, but with everything that has been going on I guess I just forgot.”

Angel stared hard at the two books. He recognized the claddagh ring and the silver cross as the ones he had given Buffy. He opened the books immediately.

“There’s nothing here, the pages are blank.” Angel said as he skimmed the pages.

“That’s strange.” 

“Yes it is.” he replied. “We need to show these to Wesley. I think these books may be the key to getting Buffy and Connor back.”

Dawn and Angel quickly made their way downstairs. They saw Gunn and Fred in the kitchen drinking coffee.

“Where’s Wesley?” Angel asked.

“In the basement, why?” Fred asked. 

Angel was already halfway down the stairs. Dawn turned to follow Angel and waved for them to follow. They both set their mugs down and made their way to the basement.

“Wesley, you need to take a look at these,”  Angel announced waving the books he held in his hands.

“I found them at the Magic Box,” Dawn added.

He placed both books on the table in front of Wesley. He straightened up when he saw them. He took off his glasses and cleaned them off before putting them back on.

“You say you found them in the Magic Box?” he asked curiously as he skimmed the empty pages.

“Do you know why the pages are blank?” Dawn asked.

“Perhaps they are journals.” he replied as closed the books and examined covers. “These seals look familiar.” Fred moved in closer to take a look.

“Wait, I’ve seen something like it before.” Fred exclaimed. She began to rummage through the stack of books, papers, and scrolls. She picked up a scroll and unrolled it. It was not in the best of conditions, thin and fragile. She picked up the scroll and lifted it up above her head toward the light.

“Look here, do you see it?” She asked Wesley.

Wesley looked at it mesmerized. He saw the seals as one, imprinted into the papyrus paper of the scroll. The two swords crossed each other above the seal and the silver cross and claddagh ring were interlocked. He took it from Fred and laid it down on the table. He picked up a magnifying glass, and began to translate as he read aloud from the scroll.

_ Not written, not spoken, _

_ Knowledge hidden  _

_ From those who seek to destroy,  _

_ What has been and always will be.  _

_ ~The Books of Dynamis~ _

Wesley stopped for a moment.

“Dynamis that means powerful one in ancient Greek.”  Angel stated as he watched Willow, Tara and Xander join them.

“Yes the potential to have power, strength or energy. Aristotle also referred to the word as a state of  knowledge, but most importantly something that holds knowledge or has the potential to release knowledge or power .” Wesley explained. 

“Well that gives a whole new meaning to knowledge is power.” Gunn half joked.

“So what kind of information does it contain?” Willow asked excitedly.

“I’m not sure.” Wesley said, “And I have no bloody clue how to get the information out.”

“How much information can they contain, the pages are blank.” Xander stated rather perplexed.

“Xander’s right they contain nothing in there current state.” Came the familiar voice from behind them.

Giles walked down the remaining steps into the basement.

“I’m right?” Xander said to himself.

“Giles! Buffy and Connor, Angel’s son, are missing.” Dawn told him as she hugged him.

“I know, I received your calls but before I came I needed to get some answers from The Coven. They were able to give me some very useful information.” Giles replied.

“They told me that the books are merely a vessel that contain the power to unlock  the true knowledge which lies within two.”

“Lies within two, oh I know this one its one and a half, wait maybe it’s one, hey what number system are we using?”  Xander asked.

“Apparently one you were never taught.” Giles replied as took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“He means that the knowledge is contained within two things, right, Sir Giles?” Fred questioned.

“Well, I wasn’t aware of being knighted but yes, and Giles would be fine, and you are?”

“I’m Fred, and this is Gunn we work with Angel in L.A.”

“Nice to meet you both.” Giles noticed Wesley, who apparently had his head in a book in deep thought.

“Wesley.” He said respectfully.

“Giles.”

Giles turned to Angel. He could see the desperation, pain, and guilt in the vampires face, and he remembered too well the feeling after Buffy’s recent death. He cleared his throat.

“Buffy is lost to us in this dimension. The Coven seers searched for Buffy when they felt her presence leave this plane. Something happened and she was separated from the demon who took her, causing her to be pulled into a whole different dimension by something more powerful.”

“That’s why we couldn’t sense her.” Willow thought out loud.

“What about Connor?” Angel asked hoping that what the Oracle told him was true.

“Alive, yes.” Giles replied. “Buffy and Connor are alive, and are both in the same place.”

“But we have to work fast; they are in a hell dimension and time goes by much faster there.”

“A hell dimension?” Wesley and Fred both looked at each other.

“Please, not again.” Willow gasped.

“If they know which dimension we could open a portal and get her and Conner out, like we did with Cordy and Fred.” Gunn stated.

“I wish it were that simple, you see the portal to that hell dimension was sealed and closed off about three years ago.”

“But why, by whom.” Wesley asked.

Giles looked very uncomfortable, he took off his glasses and cleaned them as he turned away. He stood silently for a moment then turned to face them. He didn’t want to say it but he knew that eventually they would have to know.

“Buffy,” he answered.

“Buffy, three years ago, but that was.” Suddenly Willow understood. “Angelus, Acathla” her lips echoed but no sound emitted.

“This has to be some kind of joke, Giles, please tell me that you’re joking.” Xander said.

“I’m afraid it’s no joke.” Giles replied as he turned to Angel. He knew the vampire was in a great deal of pain already, this news didn’t make things any better. 

“But she didn’t seal the portal, I came back remember.” He replied hoping that it wasn’t so.

“She sealed it when she brought you back.” Giles answered. Angel was confused.

“What! She was the one that brought Angel back. She lied to us.”  Xander yelled out. “She didn’t tell us that she brought him back.”

“No one knew, not even Buffy.” He explained.

“The seers were shown what happened. Angel gave Buffy a Claddagh ring for her 17th Birthday; his intentions being both pure and true created a spiritual bond between them stronger than the bond they already shared as Slayer and Vampire. By consummating that bond they became one.”

“So all this time Buffy and Angel were married.” Xander asked sounding a little overwhelmed. 

“Sort of, it was more than marriage bond, for what made their bond even stronger and more powerful was the joining of the opposite powers of light and dark. In spite of the forces keeping them apart, natural forces that are constantly being broken whenever Buffy and Angel are together. The power created when these laws were broken was enormous.”

“Together they are strong, alone they are dead.” Gunn replied.

“Precisely.” Giles stated. “All this occurring right in front of me and I didn’t even realized it, I just thought it was rather poetic. Everything that has been happening since then has been a ploy to keep Angel and Buffy apart.”

Angel was taking in everything that Giles was saying. He remember what the Oracle had told him and decided to speak to Giles and Wesley later regarding what happened.

“So how did Buffy bring Angel back?” Fred asked.

“She let go.” Giles replied

“Let go of what?” Dawn asked.

“She unknowingly used the power of their bond. She placed the claddagh ring in the same place in which Angel was sucked into hell. She let go of their bond, in order to grieve and move on but Angel did not, the effects were so powerful it created cosmic backlash in space and time, causing Angel to be pulled out, and returned back to our dimension. But by doing so it sealed off the portal.”

“So how do we get her back?” Angel asked.

“That’s the thing, the only way to bring her and Connor back is if the bond between light and dark is restored completely.”

_ The twilight bond, _ Angel thought,  _ when  light and dark combine _ . Everyone looked at Angel, and he tried not to make eye contact with anyone.

“They can’t Angel will go all Grrrrr.” Dawn announced. “Plus Buffy isn’t here to, you know, completely complete.”

“My soul is bond.” He replied rather softly. “But your right Buffy isn’t here.”

“Okay, the surprises keep coming, is it my birthday or something. Is there anything else you would like to let us in on?” Xander cried out sarcastically.

Angel gave Xander a look that answered his question.

“I knew it, there’s more. Let’s hear it.”

“It can wait.” Angel replied. “How are we supposed to restore the bond, Giles?”

“I’m not sure but that is where these books come in. We have to unlock the knowledge that lies within two in order to figure out what to do. However, we need to figure out who the two people are who can unlock the knowledge or power. They are the key to unlocking the knowledge that is hidden.” Giles explained.

“Now that I can help you with.” a voice proclaimed from the top of the basement stairs.


End file.
